Old post from July 2013

 This the first post I ever posted in July 2013.

I am thankful that things are better today.

July 11, 2013

my life after leaving an abuser

After years of abuse, I finally was free over 10 years ago or so I thought I was. The past 10 plus years have been an on going nightmare. I have contacted law enforcement, sought legal advice and been told unless he physically harms you again, there is nothing we can do. I have been told that he and his family could be sued civically for harassment but due to the amount of money, political and law enforcement connections they have, they would tie any lawsuit up in court so long that they would just force me into bankruptcy.

 

When I was in college, I met a man that I was attracted to due to the money that he had  as I was brought up dirt poor. We started living together and he promised to marry me but never gave me a ring. One day I was trying to leave for class and he got mad that I did not make him any dinner before I left for school.  When we began arguing, he hit me threw me on the bed. Finally I escaped and went to class. While I was at class he went to my parents and told them that I had ran off in a huff for no reason. When I got home from class, he said I had better call my parents as they were really upset with me. That was the first time he hit me but not the last.

 

I spend the next almost 3 years being hit, raped, denied access to leave my home as he would take my keys when he left for work, sometimes he would leave and take the phone with him to prevent me from calling anyone. His favorite things to tell me were, "You need to get the dick out of your mouth and learn to speak", “You never look good when you get dressed up so why do you bother.”  I tried to leave so many times. I got away once but he found me and ordered me to return back to our home or he would have me thrown out of college. He had gone to the school to demand displinary actions be taken against me but withdrew it when I came back. 

 

People knew what was going on. His friend that works in law enforcement knew as he had witnessed it first hand. He did nothing and told me that it was my fault and if I ever left he would make sure I was the one to go to jail and he would get off. My ex would call his law enforcement buddy after he hurt me. I know this because I forced to sit next to him while he told him how bad I was. The buddy would always side with my ex, I was bad and I deserved it.

 

Over 10 years ago, we moved to XXXXXX. He spent the day yelling me, making a mess of our apartment and hitting me. When I locked him out of our home when he became violent, he broke the whole door down. The Sherriff arrived and took him to jail but the nightmare was not over.

 

 

I started counseling to deal with what happened but quickly I had to quit as his attorney decided that I if I continued he would get all of the records from the medical office, including where I had moved to. So, I had to quit because neither the doctor nor the prosecutor was willing to file any motion to prevent it.

 

He got away with abusing me. I have letters where he admitted to harming me, cards where he verbally put me down but it did not matter. Money, political and law enforcement connects talk. The truth did not matter.

 

I finally moved on with my life. I made some new friends, got back to the normal size I was before him, I was moving on with my life and things were looking up. Then 2007 came and I was injured in a car accident and nightmare began all over again.

 

I begged the police not to make the accident public record but they said they had to. Soon, his family had my address and my phone number. So it started all over again but this time it was not my abuser harassing me it was his cousin.

 

I had taken a new job that I was really enjoyed but my joy did not last long. One day I was in the kitchen trying to get ice for my back as I had injured in the accident and all of sudden I heard a male voice saying something about ice and I turned around and had to look twice. It was my abuser’s cousin.

 

I spent the next several years dealing with being harassed inside and outside of work. The cousin would tell me “The world would be a better place if you were dead”. Since he did not threaten to kill me, the police did not care. The cousin has said many times, that their family has a private investigator following me at all times to make sure I do not hurt anyone else.  I called the police once about the private investigator threat and was told that as I long as I am not doing anything wrong, I have nothing to worry about.

 

I stopped calling the police years ago as they are useless. Unless I someone physically harms and they can catch him in the act nothing will be done.

 

I had to stop counseling again as the abuser’s cousin had followed me and found out where I was going and threated to have been put in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. He said he could do it based on his law enforcement connections.

 

Eventually the cousin of the abuser threatened  to have me fired from my job. Once my employer found out that I had lived with someone outside of marriage, they began to question my morals. So eventually I had enough and quit.

 

Things are not much better than they were when I used to work with the cousin. The cousin now knows were I work as I have co-worker that knows this family. The harassment has continued.

 

I did get accepted into the Address Confidentially Program that seals my physical address from public record but that has provided a little comfort but open a lot of obstacles. No in any public agencies seems to know how to deal with this program that went into effect 3 years ago. I spent many hours trying to get a new driver’s license, car license so that my address is sealed from public record. Sometimes I am met with pure insensitivity. I cannot drop any hazards waste off because I will not provide my first and last name along with my physical address. I was told there were not any options, either I give them the info they need or I cannot drop my stuff off. I have contacted the Mayor’s office and was denied help the first time I called but after about the forth call I found someone to help me. I still have my hazard’s waste close to a week later as no one knows what do to.

 

It is so frustrating to continue to face obstacles when all I want to do is to be safe.

 

I hate it when I read these stories about survives that everything is ok once you leave. It really is not, I will never be safe. People don’t want to be around me because my abuser’s family keeps convincing people that I am the unstable one. All, I want is to live my life which I am not allowed to do. I feel like a prisoner. I have no one to go shopping with, the movies or do anything fun. My life consists of going to work, coming home and occasional errand trips.

 

My abuser had always promised if I left, he would not allow me to get married, have children or own my home. So far he has prevented me in having two out of three things he said.

 

Someday I hope someone in the town listens to me a does something to help.